What's this life for?

Hurray for a child 
That makes it through 
If there's any way 
Because the answer lies in you
They're laid to rest
Before they know just what to do
Their souls are lost
Because they
could never find
What's this life for

This opening stanza from Creed's single "What's This Life For" often gets me thinking "what the hell am I doing?" But nothing could have jolted me out of my slumber than the news of one of my best friends passing away. I had not been in touch with her for ages, not because I did not want to or did not have the opportunity. It is simply how life has become. Nah! Its not what life has become, its what I have made of my life. We all tend to find things which we think are important to us and mould ourselves and our lives in that way. It is only these sudden bolts of lightening which have any hope of showing us what is really important. A couple of months ago, I was aware that my friend was in town and that I should make an effort to go and meet her. The idea sounded great - catching up with friends, reminiscing the good old days. The fact that later on in the day, I felt too tired and not compelled enough to make an effort to meet her is what was the eventuality of that proposed meeting. 

Now, it doesn't matter how much I kick myself for not making that effort. If I had know I would have definitely made an effort! Truth is, you will never know. Truth is, I lost the opportunity that I had and I have no one to blame, but my busy schedule that I have comfortably cocooned into. We are always worried about all the obligations that we have and the consequences of not delivering to everybody expectations and our own beliefs as to what is important. But in all of this, we forget what is actually important. 

My mind tells me what to do and I have made my life to revolve around things I think are most important. Our brain has a way of prioritizing things the way we give importance to various aspects. Its an amazing computer and has an uncanny ability to adjust to our requirements. So all the data that is fed into this computer comes from us, so that when you look around there is no one to blame or praise. Its all you.

So at the end, I am reminded of a verse from Baz Luhrmann's Sunscreen Song - Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chances, so are everybody's else's

And to steal from this song once again - my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience!

Another one

Hello, hello! Who do we have here? Am I here with another attempt to prove to myself that I fit in? Why do I need anybody's approval? Or am I, just like the ones that I accuse of, another narcissist with voyeuristic tendencies? Well, the fact that I am writing this proves it without a shadow of a doubt. But its okay. I don't think this will last too long.

So how did it start? In the beginning there was email. In my case, it was "want" creating necessity. I did not "need" an email address. There wasn't anybody that I "had" to send an email to, but everybody had an email and so I "wanted" one. Well that was the beginning. Now, after a decade and a half of decadence with everything from email profiles to Orkut / Facebook to desktops / laptops to Iphones / Android devices, the list is endless, and so is my want.

I could look back and maybe tell myself that I was never like this, and that this is a recent transformation that has been brought about by the society that I live in. While there is a bit of truth to it, it would be unfair to blame it all on the "society". After all, I want it as much as the next person. Be it the next holiday destination that someone went to or the latest movie somebody watched. This mad rush to be the "first" is rather exhausting.

Have I suddenly wizened to the materialistic nature of this world that we live in, or am I just too tired to continue this never ending ending race? I think the exhaustion has caught up and it is only a matter of time, before I buckle up and start off again. Not that it will make me happy, but at least I can tweet about my achievements, update my status and try and make sure that somebody is jealous of my last vacation!!

Smacks of narcissism ? That's not me!